Epilogue: Back To Life

Surprisingly things seemed to settle into a sense of normalcy once I had been able to talk to Alice and to Jacob. Alice seemed to understand my need to let Edward go in order to move forward with Jacob while still retaining my humanity. Even she could see that Jacob treated me far better than Edward ever had plus she even admitted that she liked Jacob once she got past her natural aversion to the Quileute wolves.

Alice remained at my house for the rest of the week before she returned to Denali with the promise that she would keep in touch with me through emails and phone calls. Thankfully those came at least twice a week and I could tell right away that she had quickly accepted Jacob into my life, often joking with him through the phone when he was at my house during her calls.

I still missed her and the rest of the Cullens whom I was able to talk to on the phone from time to time, at least I talked to everyone but Edward and Rosalie. Still, Alice did say they would try to come see me during graduation if they could and maybe even try to stay a bit over the summer.

Jacob was still a little reluctant to accept Alice and the rest of the Cullens as a part of my life, but he had seemed more relaxed once Alice had returned to Denali. I had made it clear to him that the Cullens were still like family to me and as long as they were willing to keep in touch with me, I would do so.

He knew he had to accept my decision and did his best to keep his complaining to a minimum. Alice was the first of my two supernatural best friends to seem friendlier, but it didn’t take long after that for Jacob to finally admit that Alice seemed like a good friend to me.

I knew it mostly had to do with the fact that Alice never brought up Edward in any conversations. Plus she had once let it slip during a time when Jacob was listening, that she thought Jacob had to be the best thing to happen to me when I’d told her about yet another potentially dangerous mishap that Jacob had saved me from. After that he would ask how she was doing or trade friendly barbs with her when she called to talk to me.

After Alice had left, Jacob and I had another talk where I had finally told him the truth about everything that had happened in my life after Edward had left me. I told him how his leaving had made me feel and how long it had taken me to snap out of my zombie-like existence. I told him how I had discovered that I could hear Edward’s voice anytime I put myself in some sort of danger and how that had led me to using Jacob to further my delusions.

I had expected him to look at me like I was psycho at that point, but he had simply sat there and urged me to go on. So I told him how I had felt when I thought I had lost him too and I told him about the holes in my chest that had appeared, the holes that both he and Edward had been catalysts for.

His face changed at that point, but all it showed was his remorse for unintentionally hurting me at the time when it seemed I needed him the most. I tried to tell him that I didn’t blame him for leaving me because I now knew why he had done what he had. Besides, I refused to let him ever be responsible for my feelings the way I had let Edward be. He needed to understand that he couldn’t always be responsible for the way I felt about things, that he couldn’t and I didn’t want him to always save me. I had to learn to deal with things myself.

I was glad that he seemed to quietly accept what I said as I went on to tell him how my feelings had been changing and when I had noticed that they had been doing so. I told him how his image had begun to replace Edward’s in my mind, but I made it clear that I knew it wasn’t a delusion. Jacob was real to me, not an illusion I had formed in my mind to escape what I had once believed to be a dismal reality.

I now knew my reality was anything but dismal.

I let Jacob know that while he had helped me to see that my life was worth living, I had to do that living myself. I had to get my head out of the clouds and live in the now. I had to put myself back together again and then I could focus on making those I cared about as happy as I was beginning to feel.

I could tell he was proud of me for telling him everything that had been going through my mind. It showed in the shine of his eyes and in the way he had hugged me when I finished my confession.

“Thanks Bells, for telling me everything. I’m glad you did. Now I get how you feel…but I still want you to know that I’m here for you whenever you need me, okay honey?”

I nodded against his chest, content to be held by him for that moment. I was sure that this time we were both on the same page, we both knew that we could tell each other anything, no matter how embarrassing or dark it was. Our conversations with each other could still be taken as if we were the best of friends, even though we were clearly becoming something more.

Once we had gotten the heavier topics out of the way, we had soon moved on to other things, like figuring out how to tell our dads that we were now dating each other and calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend in public. Jacob was of the mind to just go and say it to them point blank, certain that both of them had always been rooting for the two of us. I didn’t think Billy would be a problem, but I was still a little leery as to how my dad was going to take it.

In the end, I was right…Billy had taken it better than Charlie had, probably because of Charlie’s memories of the Edward fiasco. Still, both of them had accepted it and immediately set ground rules. We weren’t allowed to have closed doors in our homes when we were together and if our grades started to suffer, we wouldn’t be allowed to spend time together. Charlie insisted that I not neglect any of my other friends like I had when I had dated Edward and I still had a curfew on school nights.

The curfew really didn’t bother me since Jacob had patrols and homework that he had to do and I had my own homework and soul-searching to attend to also. I knew Jacob’s patrolling duties were necessary since Victoria was still out there somewhere, gunning for me. That fact did worry me, but I knew the wolves had things covered.

I would catch a glimpse of one or two of them in the woods out of my window when I was supposed to be studying.

Their presence comforted me and let me know that Jacob was out there somewhere too and that he was okay. I was the most relaxed though, when I caught sight of the russet wolf patrolling the woods around my house. That let me know that Jacob was within earshot and safe like me.

Strangely, I always seemed to feel the safest when he was the wolf nearest me or when Jacob himself was at my side. Maybe it had to do with my burgeoning feelings for him or maybe I had begun to trust that he and the rest of the Quileute wolves could take care of any vampire menace that came around.

Whatever the reason, I had begun to relax and was able to get back to being a simple teenager again. School had become fun for me again and I had begun to get closer to Angela and Ben, as well as remaining friends with Eric and Tyler. Mike was distant at first when he found out that Jacob was now my boyfriend, but even he couldn’t seem to stop being my friend.

The only ones not happy with my presence were Jessica and Lauren. Jessica still couldn’t forgive me for my weird depression as she called it and Lauren, who seemed to hate me for breathing and for the amount of attention Tyler had always paid to me, just egged her on.

I didn’t let the two of them bother me though, I was happy with the friends I had as well as the life I was now living. My senior year was coming to a close. I was healthy, happy and surrounded by those I cared about. From where I stood, I could tell that I had a future I was now looking forward too.

A future that allowed me to….live.

THE END

Chapter 6:24 New Beginning

I stood there staring into his dark brown eyes, his warm hand firmly gripped in mine. Heavy silence hung between us as the conversation I had just had on the phone began to solidify between us. Alice stood next to me, the shock long gone from her face, now replaced with new understanding. Even without her ability to see into the future, she knew what I was doing long before he did.

Looking into my best friend’s eyes, I knew I had done the right thing, even if he was still confused. Both he and Alice had witnessed the phone call and I knew they could hear both ends of the conversation with their supernatural hearing. Yet that didn’t stop the confusion and bewilderment from forming in his eyes. He stood staring at me as if he couldn’t believe what he’d just heard.

Not even the firm grip I had on his hand nor the unwavering stare I gave him seemed to be enough to convince him that what I had said had been the truth. Only Alice believed me. Only she understood what it all meant.

But I was the one to break the silence.

“Alice?”

“Yes?” came her soft inquiry.

“Could you give us a moment?”

My eyes never left his, but I could feel her hesitation. I knew she was looking from me to him and back again. Finally her voice rang out in its clear bell-like way.

“Fine. Just call my cell when you’re ready for me.”

And with that we were alone again.

It was a few moments that I continued to look steadily into his eyes. Then, I slowly released his hand from the confines of mine.

“Jacob…” I started, but was quickly cut off by his husky voice.

“Did you mean that?” He asked, a hint of fear laced through his voice.

When I didn’t reply, he continued. “Bells, please. Tell me the truth. Are you really going to do that?”

His voice broke towards the end, as if he still couldn’t believe what he’d heard.

I knew it was time for me to face the music. This was it. After all that had happened and after the phone conversation I just had, I knew there was no going back.

Jacob deserved nothing but the truth from me, it was the least I could do for him now. I knew he deserved so much more than that, so much more than I could ever give him.

I looked up into his expectant face. He seemed to literally be holding his breath, waiting for my answer.

“Yes.”

One word.

Just that one little word was all it took for Jacob to breathe again. And then he had me in his arms, twirling me around in Charlie’s small kitchen. His exuberance spilled over into me and I couldn’t help but laugh with him.

“Jake!” I squealed, “Okay, put me down now!”

He did as I asked and I could see the smile on his face. My heart stuttered for a few moments because it was the smile I had come to love.

My smile, my sun.

“Oh Bells! I knew all I had to do was wait for you. I knew it!”

He leaned down to kiss me, but this time I backed up. This time I knew I had to be frank with him before we did anything else.

“Wait, Jacob, we should talk. There are some things I need to tell you before this goes any further.”

His smile faltered, but I took his hand in mine and led him towards the kitchen table.

“It’s nothing bad,” I reassured him, “I just need you to know where I stand okay?”

He nodded as he sat down next to me at the table. I took a deep breath, preparing myself for what I had to say.

“I meant what I told Edward, about moving on. He made the choice to leave me and now I’m making mine.”

I paused to look into his eyes for a bit. It was long enough for Jacob to ask me a question.

“Just so we’re clear, what exactly is your choice?”

I took his hand in mine. “I’m willing to try being with you,” I continued before his smile and hopes got too big, “but Jacob, we can’t rush into things. I can’t rush, like I did with Edward. You have to know, I’m still not quite…right. And I may never be.”

Jacob sighed as he gave my hand a squeeze. “I get it Bella. There’s no rush, we have time and we’re still young.”

I nodded. “Yes, so let’s let things happen as naturally as possible and see where this goes, okay?”

“Sounds fair,” he agreed.

I smiled. “Good. But I need you to know that no matter what happens, I still consider you my best friend. You’ve always been there for me and you’ve always been honest. I need you to stay that way. And I’m going to do my best to do the same for you.”

“Bells, I told you that you don’t have to change for me. I like you just the way you are.”

“I know Jake, but you deserve that. You deserve so much more than me, you know.” The last came out in a whisper.

He stared at me for a few moments and I wondered if maybe he was finally starting to see that I wasn’t worthy of someone like him. Then he smiled my smile and reached his free hand up to cup my cheek.

“Doesn’t matter. All I want is you Bells.”

I closed my eyes in relief.

He still wanted me.

Despite my shortcomings, he still wanted me! “Okay,” I whispered.

I felt his fingers brushing against my cheek. “Um, does this mean I can call you my girlfriend?”

I opened my eyes to see the mirth twinkling in his eyes. I couldn’t help the smile that spread over my lips nor the way my chest seemed to swell as if something good and warm was filling the last of the holes that were left.

“Do you want to?” I asked.

His smile returned. “Yes!”

My smile now matched his. “As long as I can call you my boyfriend.”

He chuckled. “Deal.”

I laughed as I hugged him and he wrapped his arms around me. It felt good being held by Jacob, surrounded by his warmth and his earthy smell.

I sighed.

I felt rather than heard his chuckle rumbling in his chest. Then his voice came out more subdued than before.

“As much as I would love to stay like this for the rest of the day, I have to get to Harry’s funeral.”

I sighed again as my happiness became overshadowed by this sad event. Pulling away from him I said, “That’s okay. I have to talk to Alice anyway.”

The smile quickly left his face. “When is she leaving?”

I tried not to scowl. “I don’t know, but Jacob it shouldn’t matter! Alice is almost as close to a best friend to me as you are! You have to know, that even though I want nothing to do with Edward, I can’t say the same for the rest of the Cullens. They’re the family I never had and I still want to keep in touch with them.”

He ran a hand through his hair, looking a little agitated. Then he rose to his feet and held out a hand to help me up.

“Can we talk about this later? I really have to get going.”

I nodded as I took his hand and walked him to the door. “Sure. But if you want to come over later or something, call first. She may still be here.”

He nodded as he pulled the door open and stepped outside. We both glanced in the direction of his car to see Jared and Embry both pacing with scowls on their faces. The car had been turned off, but the doors remained open.

Jared stopped pacing long enough to motion towards the road in impatience. Jacob waved them off before turning back to me. He took a step towards me, invading my personal space.

“Bells?”

“Yes?” I asked.

“Can I kiss you?” he whispered.

I closed the distance between us and tilted my head back as one hand slid behind his neck. It was enough of an answer for him to bring his lips down to mine.

Once more our lips seemed to fit perfectly together as I lost myself in the warmth and softness of them. His hands rested on my waist, the heat penetrating through my shirt to the skin beneath it. Unfortunately this kiss was shorter than the first, but I knew it was because we had an audience.

As Jacob pulled away, I saw the dreamy look in his eyes as he spoke in a low voice. “I’ll call you.”

I nodded in response, sure that my eyes mirrored his.

He gave me his smile before bounding down the steps towards his car where I noticed Embry and Jared staring at him with mouths hanging open. I resisted the urge to laugh at the dumbfounded looks on their faces.

“What the hell was that?” exclaimed Jared, clearly the first to recover.

Jacob just shoved his shoulder. “None of your business, just get back in the car. We’re already running late.”

Embry shook his head, snapping himself out of it before following Jacob to the car. Jared took his time getting back behind the wheel, scowling at Jacob the entire time it took to get in, start the car and back out.

Jacob stuck his head out of the back window as they began to drive off, smiling and waving. I smiled and waved back, waiting until I couldn’t see them anymore before heading back inside.

I walked over to the couch and sat down, staring at nothing in particular. I knew there was still a lot more I had to say to Jacob, a lot of things I believed he had to know about me before we could move further. But just like I had thought before, I was sure it wouldn’t change how he felt about me. Still, I needed him to know the truth of me and that I believed he was and probably would always be too good for me.

Despite all of that, I had already begun to make a resolution. I resolved that from that moment on I was going to make a commitment to him. I was going to use every part of me that I had left to make Jacob happy. It was the least I could do after everything he’d done for me.

I knew it was a step in the right direction for me too. It was time I learned how to make myself happy, to make myself whole again. I knew this time I could do it with someone like Jacob by my side. He wouldn’t smother me and he wouldn’t become a crutch for me. Unlike Edward, Jacob treated me like a person, not like a puppet or a china doll. He would let me make my own decisions and my own mistakes, but I knew he would be there if I needed him.

And I was sure I would, but I swore to myself to never take advantage of that again. From now on, I had to build my own strength and my own sense of self. I had to make myself into someone who could be even remotely close to a person worthy of someone like Jacob Black.

But first, there was another part of my life I had to deal with. I turned to look at the phone with a sigh.

I still had to make my peace with the rest of the Cullen family, starting with the very bubbly and sometimes devious Alice Cullen.

Chapter 5:23 Goodbyes and Hellos

Author's Note: Alright folks, here it is! The moment you've all been waiting for....that pesky phone call....now I just hope no one wants to hurt me once you get to the end of this chapter ;-)


I could feel Jacob’s frustrated sigh against my lips as he began to step back to answer the phone while lowering his hands from my face, but I wasn’t having it.

I reacted impulsively and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him in for the kiss I now knew we both wanted. The phone continued to ring as our lips crashed together awkwardly at first.

Then, the truth began to sink in.

To me, this kiss was already so different than any of the ones I’d had before. Jacob’s lips were surprisingly soft…and so warm. And when his hands went back to cupping my face, I knew it was okay to lean into him without fear of being pushed away.

Immediately I knew I liked the way our lips seemed to mold together as if they were a perfect fit. When his tongue stroked my bottom lip, I couldn’t help the gasp that escaped my now parted lips.

His hot breath entered my mouth with his tongue as he teased mine with his. It made me lift my hands to tighten my fingers in his hair, pulling him even closer to me even as his arms slid down to wrap around my waist in an attempt to anchor me to him.

All too soon, he began to pull away from me. We let our lips linger against each others’ for another moment before he finally pulled away enough to put his forehead against mine.

It was then that sense seemed to sink in.

The phone must have stopped ringing sometime during the kiss, replaced by our heavy breathing and now by my rapidly beating heart in my ears. We stared into each other’s eyes and I saw my smile begin to form on Jacob’s precious face.

I could feel my own smile forming until Jacob stiffened and his smile disappeared. Before I could even ask what was wrong, his head snapped to the side where Alice appeared in the kitchen doorway looking panicked.

“Bella!” she exclaimed over Jacob’s low growling. “It’s Edward! Rosalie told him what I saw of you and the cliff! He thinks you didn’t survive it! He’s going to the Volturi!”

As I put a calming hand on Jacob’s arm, I knew what Alice’s exclamation meant because I remembered what Edward had told me that night we had watched Romeo and Juliet together.

“I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi…You don’t irritate them. Not unless you want to die.”

I was about to reply to Alice just as the phone began to ring again. This time I reached out and brought the receiver to my ear.

“Hello?”

Silence was my answer.

I frowned. “Hello? Is anyone there?” I snapped, impatiently.

“Bella?” came the musical voice I had once loved to hear.

My eyes snapped to Jacob’s face where I saw his recognition of who was on the other end of the line.

“Edward,” I replied, hoping my voice sounded neutral.

“Bella! I thought…Rosalie…” his voice sounded strained, like he couldn’t believe I was really alive.

“I know, Alice just told me what happened, but I’m alive. I’m okay.”

“What happened? Did you really…”

“Yes,” I answered a bit impatiently, then caught myself and sighed. “I jumped off a cliff. It’s a long story and I’m not willing to get into it with you.”

“Bella, I’m sorry…”

I wouldn’t let him finish. “Edward, I’m okay. It’s over with. You don’t have to go to the Volturi. You don’t have to end your life for me.”

I saw Jacob flinch at my words before his shoulders seemed to hunch over in defeat. As Edward began to speak again, Jacob turned to leave but I wouldn’t let him.

Curling my fingers around Jacob’s arm, I cut off Edward’s next words. “Listen Edward, all you need to know is that someone saved me from drowning. Someone was there for me. He helped me get through it.”

Jacob’s eyes flew to mine as I said those words to Edward and I knew he caught the double meaning in them when the hurt seemed to dissipate from his face. I kept my gaze locked with his as I continued to talk to Edward.

“I have a question though.”

There was a beat before he said, “What is it?”

“Why did you tell me that you didn’t care for me anymore and that it would be like you never existed, if you are still willing to give up your life at the first sign of danger to me?”

Again there was silence.

Then, just when I thought he wasn’t going to answer, his voice came faintly through the line. “Because it was a lie.”

I sucked in my breath and Jacob bared his teeth, but I refused to let him go and my eyes remained locked with his.

“What?” I snapped at Edward.

“I lied,” he repeated. “I never stopped loving you.”

I frowned as I felt the dull ache of that jagged hole in my chest. Only now, the throbbing was beginning to irritate me instead of making me double over in pain. I scowled at the irritation.

“That wasn’t fair!” I muttered. “You should never have played with my feelings like that!”

“I know that now. I’m so sorry, Bella.”

I couldn’t respond to that. I was angry now. Angry that he had never taken my feelings into account. He had never once thought about what could happen to me. It was as if he had never been aware of me or my feelings; as if my feelings didn’t even matter.

“Bella?” Edward asked, jarring me out of my musings.

I blinked and looked back into Jacob’s confused stare and suddenly I knew I had made the right decision. Edward couldn’t read me, with or without his gift, but Jacob didn’t need a gift to read me. He seemed to know what I needed without me ever having to say a word. Not only that, but he actually listened to my feelings and always took them into account even if he didn’t agree with them.

I slid my hand down his arm and twined my fingers with his as I spoke to Edward again.

“I’m still here.” This time I knew my voice was steady and neutral.

“Listen, why don’t we talk when I get back to Forks? I am going to book a flight as soon as I get off the phone with you, then call you when I land…”

But I was shaking my head and interrupted him yet again. “No Edward! I don’t think you should come back here!”

There was a pause.

“What?” he asked, sounding perplexed.

“You already left me. I don’t want you to come back. I think…I think it’s too late for that.”

I knew that if he came back, it would make things complicated for everyone involved and the last thing I wanted to do was make Jacob hurt anymore than I was already doing. Still, I hoped I had the strength to convince Edward and myself that it was best to just move on.

Jacob’s fingers squeezed tighter against my own, but there was no pain. It felt like he was only giving me the strength to tell Edward what I needed to say. I responded with my own squeeze to let him know I was okay.

I decided I’d try to negotiate with Edward. “If you do get on a plane, then go to Denali.” I told him, then added, “Your family misses you.”

“But what about you Bella?” he asked in a voice meant to sway me.

I wasn’t giving in to it this time. The warm fingers and dark, brown eyes in front of me made me realize I could resist temptation if I just made up my mind to do so.

“I’ll be alright,” I told him, “Alice can attest to that. I have to move on with my life…without you.”

“Bella,” There was another heavy pause. “Please.”

My jaw tightened and the hole in my chest throbbed again. Irritated once more, I gripped Jacob’s hand tighter and almost growled into the phone.

“Edward, you left me!” I snapped, finally done with his theatrics. “You did what you thought was right without even consulting me! That was your decision and for a long time I believed what you told me!”

  I couldn’t stop the torrent of words that continued to flow from me. His voice only seemed to unleash all of the anguish and pain that I had bottled up inside of me since he had left me. Now, I was finally ready to let him know what he had done to me.

“You nearly broke me! Do you get that? You nearly killed me when you left! But I survived! Somehow I found the strength to go on! And now…now I don’t want you here! I found a reason to live! I have a life now and it doesn’t include you.”

I stopped because I could tell my voice had been rising. My chest heaved as I tried to get myself under control, but it wasn’t until I looked into those warm, brown eyes that I was able to find my calm again.

Even so, I waited until I could speak with a normal tone. “Go to Denali, Edward. Be with your family. It’s best if you don’t come back here again.”

“Are…are you sure?”

I didn’t even hesitate this time. “Yes, but there are some things I need you to promise me.”

I knew I had to make sure there could be no misunderstandings this time. Edward would know that this time, I meant business.

“I know these things may be hard for you, but you must. If…if you love me like you say you do, then you must promise me you’ll do them.”

I really hated saying that, but I knew Edward would understand it better if I appealed to his sense of honor.

Again there was a long silence and then I heard a resigned sigh. “What are they?”

I took a deep breath, then laid it all out for him. “First, I need you to mean what you said the last time you saw me. You told me I would never see you again, that you would never come back so I could go on with my life without interference from you.”

I paused to let him ingest that. He let me know when he was ready to hear the rest.

“What else?”

“No matter what happens to me from here on out, it’s my life. Let me live mine and you live yours. Don’t ever let my life dictate yours…ever.”

I knew he would understand what I was asking him to do. Despite the fact that I didn’t want him back in my life, I still loved him. I knew that would be true for a while since he was my first love, but there was no way I wanted him to die if something happened to me. It was essentially the same thing he had expected of me.

I waited for a few moments, giving him some time to let it all sink in.

While I waited, I let the tips of my fingers caress the skin over Jacob’s knuckles, watching the reaction in his face. His eyelashes fluttered, then his lids went to half-mast as his eyes darkened. I smiled at him when I felt his fingers squeeze mine, trying to stop their movement and thus stop distracting ourselves.

“Well?” I asked Edward, impatience finally catching up with me.

Another beat and then, “Fine.”

I scowled. “No Edward! You have to promise me.”

“Bella, you don’t know what you’re asking of me!”

“I do know!” I growled again. “You wanted me to move on! So I am, but I need you to do that too!”

“I don’t know if I can.”

I sighed and closed my eyes, but didn’t let go of Jacob’s hand.

“Please Edward, do this for me.” I cringed at those pleading words even though I knew they were necessary with him. “You have to…let go.”

I knew everyone could hear the plea in my voice. I needed Edward to promise me this. It was the only way I could see myself letting go of him and moving on.

I knew I was gaining the strength to let go of him on my own, but Edward needed to help me out here. It was as if hearing his verbal release of me was all I needed to really let go of him. To put him in the past where he now belonged.

He sighed. “I never could say no to you.”

There was another pause and then, “I promise, Bella. I will do as you ask but only because I…love you.”

I swallowed the retort I’d wanted to say. “Thank you, Edward.” I answered civilly instead.

“I shall miss you, you know,” came his voice once more.

I gripped Jacob’s hand harder. “I know.”

When I didn’t offer him anything else, he continued.

“I guess this is goodbye then?”

“Yes. It is.”

“Very well then,” I could hear the sadness in his voice, “Goodbye my sweet Bella.”

“Goodbye Edward,” I replied as neutrally as possible.

I waited until I heard the dial tone that told me he had really hung up before replacing the receiver back where it belonged. As soon as I did, my eyes flicked to Alice’s.

“He’ll keep his word?” I asked.

She closed her eyes for a few moments before nodding and looking at me. “We will all make sure that he does.”

That was all the confirmation that I needed as I finally turned back to look into Jacob’s eyes.

My past had been taken care of and now it was time to face my future.

Chapter 4:22 Worth the Risk

Author's Note: Remember that the bold text is taken directly fromSM's New Moon, the rest of the story should be my take on what I wished had happened. Also, this chapter is the last time I will use text from the book as the rest of the story will be my story completely.


Also, since there were 24 chapters and an epilogue in the original New Moon, I am doing the same here. Hence this is called 4:22, meaning it should parallel chapter 22 from New Moon. As such, there will only be two more chapters and an epilogue to this story....but fear not! I will have a sequel to this which will be MUCH longer and include LOTS of lemons!


So...hope you all enjoy this chapter as it marks the return of....JACOB!!!



Charlie left the next morning, tiptoeing out of the door thinking Alice and I were still asleep and we let him think so. As soon as he was gone, we got up and I made myself a bowl of cereal while Alice sat with me at the kitchen table. When she asked what we were going to do that day, I decided it was time to catch up on all the chores I’d been neglecting from spending all that time with Jacob at La Push.

It was while I was working on the bathroom, with Alice standing nearby so we could continue chatting, that the next incident to help my transformation came along in the form of the ringing doorbell. Little did I know that this would be the one thing that would change everything for me.

I got to my feet and looked at Alice, noticing that she wore a confused look on her face which I thought was rather strange for a vampire, especially one like Alice.

“Just a minute!” I shouted down the stairs, hoping whoever it was could hear my voice from where I was.

As I rinsed my arms off, I could see Alice in the mirror over the sink. She seemed to look even more anxious than before.

“Bella, I think I know who is at your door and if I’m right, then I think I should go out for a bit.”

I turned to stare at her as I dried my arms off with a towel. “What do you mean you think?”

Something in the way she said it made me wonder if she was just as worried about her lack of visions as I was. Alice should have known who was at the door, there should never have been a question in her voice.

She sighed. “If this is anything like yesterday’s omission, then I’m almost certain it’s Jacob Black or one of the other m…his friends.”

I gaped at her as the realization of what she was hinting at struck me. “Are you saying you can’t see the werewolves? At all?”

The annoyance on her face was all the answer I needed. I still quirked an eyebrow at her as if daring her to tell me once again how dangerous they were.

She was quick to shake her head. “It’s not that…I just find it frustrating that I can’t see you when you are with them. I know you plan on hanging around them…I’m just worried that something will happen to you when you’re around them….something that won’t be their fault…I just don’t like not knowing what is happening to you, that’s all.”

I nodded as the doorbell rang again. This time it sounded like whoever was at the door was impatient since there were two quick chimes. Sighing, I gave Alice a pleading look.

“You don’t have to go, you know. You’re a guest here. Both Charlie and I consider you a guest.”

She reached out and gave my arm a gentle squeeze. “I know, but honestly, it just isn’t a good idea to have me and Jacob Black in a such a confined space together. I’ll be back later.”

With that, she flitted towards Charlie’s room and vanished. I knew she probably went out the window the way Edward had always gone through mine.

The chime of the doorbell sounded again, making me sprint down the stairs while my heart thudded with anticipation in my chest as I wondered if Alice was right.

I skidded to a halt in front of the door, grabbed the knob and wrenched the door open only to see that it was indeed Jacob as Alice had predicted. My heart sped up at the sight of him, even as I realized that apparently Alice didn’t even need her visions to still have good predictions.

Also, the fact that Jacob was standing at the bottom of the steps that led to the porch, with his face scrunched up like he smelled something bad, told me that Alice had been right about it not being a good idea for her to be anywhere near Jacob.

He tried to mask the look of disgust on his face, but it was already too late. He may have made his face look neutral, but I could still see the slight trembling of his hands. The way he stood reminded me of that day when he’d chosen Sam over me, when I’d realized I hated the way he’d become Sam’s Jacob instead of my Jacob.

It made me bristle with anger and I lifted my chin in defiance. If he was going to act angry and aloof, then so could I.

I could see his Rabbit by the curb and was surprised that it sat idling with Jared in the driver’s seat and Embry in the passenger’s seat. However, I knew that those two were here for a reason and it was one I didn’t like. They were here with Jacob because Sam didn’t like him being near me or the Cullens. That thought made my anger rise even more.

I gave Jacob a curt nod and said, “Hello,” when he simply kept standing there trying not to glare past me.

I saw a flicker of emotion in his eyes before he finally glanced past me at the empty hallway, clearly searching for someone.

I gave an exaggerated sigh. “No one’s here! Is there something you want?”

Inwardly I flinched at how harsh I sounded. Outwardly, I was still a little hurt that even he couldn’t trust me.

He shifted from one foot to the other, as if trying to decide his next move. “You’re alone?”

I nodded.

He shifted again. “Can I talk to you?”

I tried to give him a genuine smile as I stepped back inside the door. “Yeah, come on in.”

He took a step towards me, then hesitated. I watched as he looked over his shoulder at his car where we both could see Embry shaking his head slightly. As Jacob stepped back off of the stairs, I could feel the agitation rising inside of me. It bugged me that he couldn’t even make up his own mind anymore.

As he turned to look at me, I hissed under my breath, “Still Sam’s groupie I see.”

That was all it took for him to make up his mind. He glared at me, eyes heated with life again, and stomped up the stairs. Brushing past me, he made his way into the living room as I turned to glare at Embry first, then Jared. They were both sending veiled threats with their eyes, but I refused to be cowed by them and I let them know just what I thought about their influence on my best friend.

I shut the door on their glares.

I turned to see that Jacob had stopped just before the entrance to the living room. He was now staring at the mess of linens on the sofa.

As I joined him, he gave me a sarcastic look. “Having a slumber party?”

I replied with the same level of sarcasm he gave me. “Yeah…so what?”

Instead of answering me, I watched as he lifted his head slightly and sniffed the air. “Where’s the le…your friend?”

I caught the slur he’d been just about to use in reference to Alice, but it amazed me that he’d been able to catch himself before he’d said it. Still, I was feeling a bit defensive about my friend as I placed my hands on my hips and glared at him.

“She’s out at the moment. Look, I know you’re not here just to chat so what do you want?”

Instead of answering my question, he turned on his heel and made his way into the kitchen. As I watched him walk, I noticed that now even his arms were shaking. It made me glance into the living room just to see if there was a vampire there who could have possibly set off that reaction.

By the time I joined him in the kitchen, he was pacing alongside the counters, looking for all the world like a caged beast. My anger was now replaced with worry as I watched his hands unclench from fists and then curl back into them.

When he came back my way, I planted myself in front of his path and grabbed his biceps. “Hey, what is going on?”

I could feel the slight trembling beneath my hands as he answered me through gritted teeth. “I don’t like being here.”

I flinched as those words affected me more than I cared to admit. Removing my hands from his arms, I folded my arms over my chest in defense.

“Well, then why don’t you just say what you need to say so you can leave?”

Both of us ignored the hurt in my voice. “Fine.” came his sharp answer. “Just a couple of questions so I can get back in time for the funeral.”

“Okay, then. Ask.” I was doing my best to disguise how much his behavior was hurting me, but covering it up with short words wasn’t exactly fair. I knew he had every right to be upset with me, especially since I’d picked the leech over him last night. I’d hurt him first, so why was I being so surly with him then?

Once again Jacob showed me just how much better he was at controlling his emotions than I was. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and seemed to be forcing his entire being into a calm state. When he opened his eyes, he was now looking at me calmly and the rapid-fire question and answer game began.

“Is it one of the Cullens staying here?”

“Alice Cullen.”

“How long will she be here?”

“As long as she wants.”

“Have you told her about…Victoria?”

“Yes.”

He paused for a moment before finally stating, “You should know…now that she’s here…we can’t protect you if you’re not on our lands.”

I swallowed. I knew what that meant. Only Alice was my protection against Victoria should she decide to come after me. The wolves could only protect me if I was in La Push…in their territory, like the treaty stated.

It took a moment for me to find my voice. “Got it.”

He nodded and looked away. I watched as his eyes seemed to scan the world outside of the kitchen window, but he didn’t say anything else. Unable to stand the silence, I let my broken voice fill it.

“Anything else?”

He never turned to look at me as he answered in a quiet voice. “One more thing.”

“Yeah?” I croaked.

This time I could hear the coolness of his voice. The voice I was so used to hearing from Sam.

“Are the rest of them coming back?” asked the voice.

The realization that Jacob was becoming like Sam was more than enough to render me speechless. I could only stare at him as he looked down at me with questioning eyes.

“Well?” he asked, not even bothering to disguise the rising agitation in his eyes.

“No,” I whispered, still upset over the fact that he seemed to be getting farther and farther away from me. I wrapped my arms around my chest again, the room somehow seeming colder.

The hard mask was back in place full-force as he gave me a curt nod.

“Okay. That’s all.”


I glared at him, annoyance rekindled. “Well, run along now. Go tell Sam that the scary monsters aren’t coming to get you.”


“Okay,” he repeated, still calm.


That seemed to be it. Jacob walked swiftly from the kitchen. I waited to hear the front door open, but I heard nothing. I could hear the clock over the stove ticking, and I marveled again at how quiet he’d become.


What a disaster. How could I have alienated him so completely in such a short amount of time?


Would he forgive me when Alice was gone? What if he didn’t?


I slumped against the counter and buried my face in my hands. How had I made such a mess of everything? But what could I have done differently? Even in hindsight, I couldn’t think of any better way, any perfect course of action.

“Bella…?” Jacob asked in a troubled voice.


I pulled my face out of my hands to see Jacob hesitating in the kitchen doorway; he hadn’t left when I’d thought. It was only when I saw the clear drops sparkling in my hands that I realized I was crying.


Jacob’s calm expression was gone; his face was anxious and unsure. He walked quickly back to stand in front of me, ducking his head so that his eyes were closer to being on the same level with mine.


“Did it again, didn’t I?”


“Did what?” I asked, my voice cracking.


“Broke my promise. Sorry.”

“S’okay,” I mumbled. “I started it this time.”


His face twisted. “I knew how you felt about them. It shouldn’t have taken me by surprise like that.”

I caught the flicker of disgust in his eyes, which told me he still saw Alice as nothing more than a vampire rather than just a friend the way I saw her. I knew now wasn’t the time to try to make him see her the way I saw her, so I just kept it to myself and simply mumbled another ‘sorry’.

He shrugged nonchalantly. “No worries. She’s just here for a couple of days right? Once she’s gone, we can go back to normal.”

I couldn’t help the pout that formed as I asked, “Why can’t she be the one exception to the rule, Jake?”

He actually gave me a sympathetic look as he answered me. “I don’t…she just can’t.”

I nodded slowly, knowing that was probably the best answer he could give me right now. Lowering my gaze to the floor I asked in a soft voice, “Once she’s gone…you’ll still be there right? Even though Alice is my friend, you’ll still be…”

I paused, wondering if I should end it with the word friend or something else.

Jacob didn’t wait for me to finish it as he answered gruffly. “Yeah, I’ll still be your friend even if you’re friends with the le…her too.”

I chose to overlook his slip for the moment as I gave him a hopeful smile. “Really?”

He nodded as he gave me a smile of his own, even if it didn’t completely reach his eyes. “Really.”

As my smile widened, he seemed to relax a little. Stepping closer to me, he wrapped his arms around me and allowed me to lean against his chest.

I closed my eyes for a moment to relish the feel of him next to me again before I mumbled, “This sucks.”

“Yeah.” Then he sniffed my hair and said, “Ew.”


“What!” I demanded. I looked up to see that his nose was wrinkled again. “Why does everyone keep doing that to me? I don’t smell!”


He smiled a little. “Yes, you do--you smell like them. Blech. Too sweet--sickly sweet. And…icy. It burns my nose.”


“Really?” That was strange. Alice smelled unbelievably wonderful. To a human, anyway. “But why would Alice think I smelled, too, then?”


That wiped his smile away. “Huh. Maybe I don’t smell so good to her, either. Huh.”


“Well, you both smell fine to me.” I rested my head against him again. I was going to miss him terribly when he walked out my door. It was a nasty catch-22--on the one hand, I wanted Alice to stay forever. I was going to die--metaphorically--when she left me. But how was I supposed to go without seeing Jake for any length of time? What a mess, I thought again.

“I’ll miss you,” Jacob whispered, echoing my thoughts. “Every minute. I hope she leaves soon.”


“It really doesn’t have to be that way, Jake.” I whispered back, still feeling sad that he would have to leave again soon.

He sighed. “Yes it does Bells. Since she’s your friend, it’s safer for me to just stay away from her. I don’t think I could handle my…temper…if I were close to her. If I…um, hurt her…not only would Sam be mad that I broke the treaty but it would also upset you.”

I stiffened in his arms at the truth of his words, especially since I knew he’d lessened the blow with the word hurt instead of what he really meant.

He tightened his hold on me in an attempt to keep me close as he added, “You know that’s the truth Bells. It’s just the way our world works now.”

“I do not like the way the world works now.”

Jacob freed one arm so that he could cup his big brown hand under my chin and make me look at him. “Yeah. It was easier when we were both human, wasn’t it?”


I sighed.


We stared at each other for a long moment. His hand smoldered against my skin. In my face, I knew there was nothing but wistful sadness--I didn’t want to have to say goodbye now, no matter for how short a time. At first his face reflected mine, but then, as neither of us looked away, his expression changed.


He released me, lifting his other hand to brush his fingertips along my cheek, trailing them down to my jaw. I could feel his fingers tremble--not with anger this time. He pressed his palm against my cheek, so that my face was trapped between his burning hands.


“Bella,” he whispered.

I froze.

Looking into his eyes, I knew what he was thinking of doing. Even if at this moment I still didn’t think he was my Jacob, I knew he could be if I just made the choice. I wondered if it would be the right choice to make.

Was it right to allow him to love me the way I knew he wanted to? Would it be easy, the way it felt when he held my hand or wrapped his arms around me? Should I take the risk and try to see if we would work out or be safe and allow us to remain friends?

As Jacob began to bend his familiar and beloved face towards me, I realized that in so many ways I did love him, but I wasn’t in love with him….not yet. He was my comfort, my safe harbor, but could he be something more?

When his lips were just a breath away, I decided it was a risk I was willing to take.

And just as I had come to that decision, the phone began to ring.

Chapter 3:21 - Information

I watched as Charlie slowly made his way up the walk, his eyes downcast and shoulders slumped as if he carried the weight of the world on them. He didn’t even notice that I was out there waiting for him. As he came closer, I could see the pinched look on his face and his eyes said he was several miles away…still in La Push.

My heart went out to him in this time of grief. Instinctively, I moved forward to greet him, wrapping my arms around his waist and hugging hard. I was trying to give him all the unspoken comfort and love he would need. Inwardly I smiled when I felt him hug me back as if he was holding on for dear life. I completely understood where he was coming from without either of us having to say a word.

Still, I knew I had to say something. “Dad? I’m really sorry about Harry.”

Charlie let out a soft sigh, as if he were holding back tears and replied in a mumbled voice. “I’m…I’m going to miss him.”

I swallowed, guilt suddenly spiking inside of me. Somehow I felt like it was my fault Harry was gone. As if somehow he’d been a needless casualty in this supernatural crap I was mixed up in.

I pushed past the lump in my throat and tried to keep the conversation going. “How is…how’s Sue doing?”

Charlie shrugged. “I don’t think she’s grasped that he’s gone yet. She’s a little out of it. Sam’s staying with her for the moment…”

There was a pause and I knew he was trying to clear his throat to be able to keep talking. He was fighting his grief something fierce.

“Those poor kids,” he finally added. “Harry not only left Sue, but also Leah and Seth. Leah’s about a year older than you…and I think…I think she was all set to go to college…but…”

He stopped when his voice cracked. “Gosh Bell, Seth is only fourteen! He still needs a father figure in his life, you know?”

He shook his head in sorrow, but moved to my side and kept an arm around my shoulder as he began to lead me back to the house. I knew I had to prepare him for our visitor.

“Um, dad? You’ll…never guess who came to visit us!” I said, trying to sound a little cheerful, and not nervous.

Charlie looked at me curiously, then turned his head to look around the area. He immediately noticed the black car parked across the street, but before he could react to it, Alice was standing in the doorway.

“Hi Charlie.” She greeted him, lowering her voice from its usual high, bell-like cheerfulness. “I’m sorry if I came at a bad time.”

He looked at her small figure as if he couldn’t believe what his eyes were telling him. “Alice Cullen? Is that really you?” came his disbelieving voice.

“It’s me,” she replied softly. “I, um, I was in the neighborhood.”

Charlie didn’t miss her slight hesitation and it only prompted him to tighten his grip on my shoulder.

“Is Carlisle…?”

“No, I’m alone,” came Alice’s quick reply. She knew as well as I did that he wasn’t really asking about Carlisle.

I tried to diffuse the situation by pleading with him as any teenage daughter wanting her way would do. “Can she stay here with us? I already asked her to!”

“Of course,” came Charlie’s bland reply. Apparently my fake cheerfulness wasn’t rubbing off. “We’d love to have you stay here, Alice.”

Alice gave him a sympathetic look. “Thank you, Charlie. I know it’s really bad timing.”

Charlie shook his head and waved his hand in dismissal as if trying to dispel the somber mood. “No really, it’s fine. I’m going to be really busy helping out Harry’s family so it’ll be nice for Bella to have some company while I’m gone.”

He turned to give me a smile, which looked so sad because of his eyes, but I knew he was trying to be hospitable for my sake. It made me hug him again as I let him know what I’d done for him.

“I made dinner. It’s on the table for you.”

He gave me another squeeze and mumbled, “Thanks, Bell.”

Alice and I waited until Charlie had made his way into the kitchen before we went back to the couch were we remained talking until I fell asleep against her shoulder. Apparently my near drowning experience and the other events of the day had really exhausted me.

I woke up from a rare dreamless sleep only to find that it was now morning and I was alone on the couch. I could hear Alice and Charlie talking in the kitchen.

“Was she really bad off, Charlie?” asked Alice in a soft voice. I could only assume that they were talking about Sue Clearwater as Charlie answered her with a heavy sigh.

“Real bad.”

“Can you…tell me about it? I’d like to know what really happened after my family and I left.”

I couldn’t help but cringe when I realized that they were talking about me. Not Sue…me.

I waited with baited breath while I heard a cupboard door close and a dial on the stove clicked. It made me wonder what Charlie was doing in the kitchen, but my musing stopped the moment I heard his voice answer Alice.

“She…she made me feel so helpless. I had no idea what I had to do for her. I thought…the first week I thought for sure I would have to hospitalize her because she wouldn’t do anything. She wouldn’t move, or eat, or drink…nothing. When we first found her in the woods, there was a doctor with us and he wanted to see her again, but I wouldn’t let him come see her. I was so afraid…she’d get scared. I know she doesn’t like doctors.”

There was another silence before Alice asked, “But she made it though that right? She snapped out of it?”

Charlie sighed. “I asked her mother, Renee, to come and get her. I just couldn’t…I couldn’t be the one… if she had to go to the hospital…”

Again there was a pause as Charlie cleared his throat. “Anyway, I hoped being with her mother would help her better than I ever could, but when we started packing her stuff, it’s like that triggered a response in her. Suddenly she was screaming and throwing her clothes everywhere! Bella’s never been one to be so dramatic but boy did she throw a tantrum that day! She screamed at us both, saying we couldn’t make her leave and then the next moment she was curled in a ball and crying…”

I could hear the catch in Charlie’s voice before he cleared it once more and continued. “We all had hoped that would be the turning point for her, you know. So I didn’t argue when she kept insisting on staying here…I thought…”

He trailed off again as I felt my chest constrict in sympathy. I had no idea I’d caused so much pain for my father.

“You thought…?” came Alice’s prompt. Clearly she wanted to hear the rest of this more than I did.

“I thought it would be over…but…she went back to school and work, she ate, she slept, she did her homework. She answered when spoken to. But it was all as if she were a robot. It was all mechanical. Like she was nothing but a shell. I couldn’t even see any life in her eyes. She looked so…empty.

And there were…other things…she didn’t like listening to music, she didn’t like to read and she didn’t like being in the room when the TV was on. I didn’t get it at first, but then I realized what she was doing. It was when I found CDs and pictures and other things in the trash one day…she was trying to avoid anything that reminded her of…”

He paused again and I felt a slight pulse from the hole inside of me, but before I could wonder why the pain seemed so faint, Charlie’s voice reached me again.

“I hardly talked to her because I was so worried that I’d say something that would upset her and send her back into that comatose state again. I mean, she would flinch over the slightest things…and she was…she was alone all the time. Her friends would call her, but when she never called them back, they…stopped.

She was so quiet all the time…it was like a funeral parlor in here…except at night…I can…I can still hear her screaming in her sleep.”

It wasn’t hard for me to imagine what Charlie looked like while he was telling Alice all of this. I closed my eyes in sympathy for him as I remembered how I had been during that time. Then I sighed in realization. I hadn’t fooled him at all.

All that time, I’d thought I’d put on a good show to keep him from noticing that anything was wrong, but no. I couldn’t fool Chief Swan for one second. It suddenly made me want to curse myself for putting him through all that…and now he had the Clearwaters and Harry’s death to deal with.

Gosh, I was such a fool!

“I’m so sorry, Charlie,” Alice said, voice glum.


“It’s not your fault.” The way he said it made it perfectly clear that he was holding someone responsible. “You were always a good friend to her.”


“She seems better now, though.”


“Yeah. Ever since she started hanging out with Jacob Black, I’ve noticed a real improvement. She has some color in her cheeks when she comes home, some light in her eyes. She’s happier.” 


He paused, and his voice was different when he spoke again. “He’s a year or so younger than her, and I know she used to think of him as a friend, but I think maybe it’s something more now, or headed in that direction, anyway.” Charlie said this in a tone that was almost belligerent. It was a warning, not for Alice, but for her to pass along. 

“Jake’s old for his years,” he continued, still sounding defensive. “He’s taken care of his father physically the way Bella took care of her mother emotionally. It matured him. He’s a good-looking kid, too-takes after his mom’s side. He’s good for Bella, you know,” Charlie insisted.


“Then it’s good she has him,” Alice agreed.

I smiled at her admission, hoping that she really meant it. Maybe there was hope for things after all. I was glad that Charlie could see the good in Jacob the way I was beginning to, but what shocked me the most was that he could see what I couldn’t. At least I hadn’t until he mentioned it. Something more…what Jacob and I had was maybe something more.

I silently prayed that what he said would come true. Please…let Jacob talk to me again. I want us to be something more…I think.

Charlie sighed, breaking me out of my musings of a future with Jacob.

“Well, I just hope I’m not jumping to conclusions. I don’t know…I still see something in her eyes even now….sometimes…it’s just…it’s not normal Alice. Sometimes she looks as if someone died. Not left, but died.”

I nearly jumped off of the couch at his admission. It was like a slap in the face. A slap of reality, for me to snap out of it. I realized Charlie was right. I had been walking around acting as if someone had died. And in a sense, someone had. Or rather something. My past…it was gone. The family I’d wanted to be a part of…the love I’d thought I’d shared with Edward…it was gone. All of it.

Yet, lying there, staring at the ceiling, I realized I no longer mourned that passing. It was gone, but I was still there. Why should I stop living just because that part of my life had moved on? There were so many more things for me to live for now. So many things that I should be grateful for.

Charlie…Renee…Alice…

Jacob.

A smile began to spread over my face as I thought of him, until Charlie’s voice interrupted again.

“I don’t know if she’s ever going to get over it Alice. I don’t know if anything will ever help her get past it…and Alice…now you know I’m fond of you…and I know she’s happy to see you…but I’m worried what your visit is going to…”

“I’m worried too Charlie,” came Alice’s voice. And I was amazed that I could even hear the worry in her voice which told me she really was worried and not acting it for Charlie’s sake. “If I’d known about any of this, I would never have come back. I’m so sorry Charlie.”

“No, don’t apologize. It’s alright. Maybe…maybe it’ll be good for her after all.”

Alice sighed. “I hope you’re right.”

There was a long break while I heard forks scraping plates and it made me wonder how Alice was convincing Charlie that she was really eating. I was certain that the food on her plate was somehow disappearing, but just where was it disappearing to?

After a few moments, I heard Charlie’s awkward voice again. “Alice? There’s something I have to ask you.”

Alice’s voice sounded much calmer than his did. “Sure, what is it?”

There was a slight pause and then, “He’s not coming back too is he?”

Charlie’s voice not only came out in a rush, but even I could hear the underlying anger in it. I knew no one in this house would miss the unspoken meaning. Edward would never be welcomed here. Ever.

I held my breath, waiting.

She answered in a soft, reassuring tone. “He doesn’t know I’m even here, Charlie. The last time my family and I spoke to him, he was visiting friends in South America.”

As Alice revealed this new information, I lay there waiting for the pain to come and it didn’t disappoint. Still, even I noticed how it didn’t overpower me like it once had. With each moment, it was becoming even more bearable than the last moment.

It was as if with each passing moment, with each step of my transformation, the pain of that ragged hole in my chest was getting duller. Like the hole itself was trying to close for once and for all. This time it was bearable enough that it only took a couple of breaths before I could move, alerting Charlie and Alice to the fact that I was awake.

Charlie left soon after that to help Sue Clearwater with the funeral arrangements, so Alice and I sat back down on the couch and resumed talking about her family in Denali and the fact that she had finally begun to learn about her past, the past James had begun to reveal to me last spring.

“My name was Mary Alice Brandon,” she told me quietly. “I had a little sister named Cynthia. Her daughter-my niece-is still alive in Biloxi.”


“Did you find out why they put you in…that place?” What would drive parents to that extreme? Even if their daughter saw visions of the future…


She just shook her head, her topaz eyes thoughtful. “I couldn’t find much about them. I went through all the old newspapers on microfiche. My family wasn’t mentioned often; they weren’t part of the social circle that made the papers. My parents’ engagement was there, and Cynthia’s.” 


The name fell uncertainly from her tongue. “My birth was announced…and my death. I found my grave. I also filched my admissions sheet from the old asylum archives. The date on the admission and the date on my tombstone are the same.”

I remained silent, not knowing what to say to that, so we eventually moved on to lighter topics until Charlie returned home late that night and went straight to bed since he wanted to be there first thing in the morning for the Clearwaters long before Harry’s funeral would take place.

Chapter 2:20 - Slow Transformations

I stood there in shock for a few moments letting the realization of my visitor sink in to my conscious brain.

Alice.

It was Alice who had arrived in Carlisle’s car. My brain kicked back into gear as I threw myself at her, forgetting for the moment how hard she was, as if she were a cement wall.

“Alice!” I exclaimed.

Her arrival was to be a brief intrusion into the transformation of the new me. For a little while with Alice, I was thrown back into the past that I was unconsciously trying to leave behind.

Even so, everything inside of me continued to silently grow and change, as if it wanted to remain a secret for a little longer from the pixie vampire that stood before me. The spark continued to unravel and shape itself, fitting itself to the contours of my insides and plugging up the holes that had been gaping before.

“Bella?” she asked, her voice sounding confused.

I hugged her as hard as I could, despite her stone body having no give to it. “Oh Alice! I’m so happy that you’re here! I’ve missed you so much!”

“Bella…” she repeated, the confusion and a hint of something else now laced in her voice.

It made me lean back to look at her. It was then that I noticed her eyes. They were pitch black.

“Oh!” I knew what that meant. Black eyes equaled thirst for a vampire.

She waved her hand in dismissal. “It’s my fault. I didn’t hunt like I was supposed to and then I was in a hurry all day today.”

Her smile turned into a glare. “So, would you mind telling me how it is that you’re alive?”

I stared at her in puzzlement. “What do you mean?”

Alice went on to tell me she had seen a vision of me jumping from the cliff, but nothing of Jacob saving me. She went on and on about how she had waited to see if I would come up again, but I hadn’t.

“When I couldn’t see you anymore, I panicked. I took the first flight I could back here to Forks to find out what had happened. And I thought maybe, I could help Charlie out if I needed to. I didn’t really think more than that, I just knew I had to get answers.”

She stopped to narrow her eyes at me. “But here you are, alive. Just what were you thinking? Did you even think of how it would have affected anyone? What about Charlie? What about your mom? What about…”

I had to cut off her rant before it went too far. “Alice, I wasn’t trying to die.”

She stared at me incredulously. “So you didn’t jump off a cliff at all?”

I gave her a sheepish look. “Um, well…it was for fun actually.”

She gave me a hard, disbelieving look.

“I’d seen some of Jacob’s friends cliff diving,” I insisted. “It looked like…fun, and I was bored…”


She waited.


“I didn’t think about how the storm would affect the currents. Actually, I didn’t think about the water much at all.”


Alice didn’t buy it. I could see that she still thought I had been trying to kill myself. I decided to redirect.


“So, if you saw me go in, why didn’t you see Jacob?”


She cocked her head to the side, distracted.


I continued. “It’s true that I probably would have drowned if Jacob hadn’t jumped in after me. Well, okay, there’s no doubt about it. But he did, and he pulled me out, and I guess he towed me back to shore, though I was kind of out for that part. It couldn’t have been more than a minute that I was under before he grabbed me. How come you didn’t see that?”

She frowned in perplexity. “Someone pulled you out?”


“Yes. Jacob saved me.” I repeated, a little miffed that she couldn’t seem to accept that part.

A strange mixture of emotions flashed over her face. I couldn’t tell what was bothering her, but something told me she was trying to figure out why she hadn’t seen me get pulled out of the water as much as I was wondering too.

Then, she did something that made me stiffen. She leaned in to me and sniffed me.

When she saw my expression, she rolled her eyes. “Oh please, it’s not what you think. Just hold still for a moment.” She sniffed at me again and I jumped.

“What are you doing!” I snapped, a little unnerved.

“Want to tell me who you were with just now? Outside. I thought I heard you arguing with someone.”

I sighed. “Jacob Black. He’s….he’s my best friend. I think…at least he was…”

The last image of his face, flashed before me. He’d looked angry and upset. I’d even seen a hint of betrayal in his eyes before he’d jumped out of the car and left me there. It made me worry if I’d driven him away for good.

Alice didn’t reply. She simply stood there looking distant.

“What is it?” I asked.

She flicked her hand in a dismissive gesture. “I don’t know what any of it means actually.”

I sighed impatiently. “What difference does it make really? At least I’m here now! See? I’m not dead like you thought!”

She gave me an incredulous look before she put her hands on her hips and tsked. “What…Oh Bella! Edward was so wrong you know! He thought you would be fine alone, but here you are…still susceptible to life threatening idiocy!”

“But I survived,” I hissed through gritted teeth.

She ignored my irritation and moved on to another question. “Well if the currents were too strong, how did Jacob get you out?

Her question let the air out of my annoyance. I hesitated a moment before I mumbled. “Jacob…is stronger.”

Obviously that answer left a lot unsaid since Alice just folded her arms in front of her torso and stared at me, as if waiting for a more thorough explanation.

I thought about it for a few moments wondering if it was alright for me to tell Alice the truth about Jacob. Did I owe it to him and the wolves to keep it a secret or was it better just to tell her everything?

In the end, I knew it would eat me alive if I kept this a secret, especially since Jacob already knew what the Cullens were. Deciding that there wasn’t any harm in the telling, I began to explain.

“See, well, he’s…sort of a werewolf,” I admitted in a rush. “The Quileutes turn into wolves when there are vampires around. They know Carlisle from a long time ago. Were you with Carlisle back then?”


Alice gawked at me for a moment, and then recovered herself, blinking rapidly. “Well, I guess that explains the smell,” she muttered. “But does it explain what I didn’t see?” She frowned, her porcelain forehead creasing.


“The smell?” I repeated.


“You smell awful,” she said absently, still frowning. “A werewolf? Are you sure about that?”


“Very sure,” I promised, wincing as I remembered Paul and Jacob fighting. “I guess you weren’t with Carlisle the last time there were werewolves here in Forks?”


“No. I hadn’t found him yet.” Alice was still lost in thought. Suddenly her eyes widened, and she turned to stare at me with a shocked expression. “Your best friend is a werewolf?”

I nodded sheepishly.


“How long has this been going on?”


“Not long,” I said, my voice sounding defensive. “He’s only been a werewolf for just a few weeks.”


She glowered at me. “A young werewolf? Even worse! Edward was right…you’re a magnet for danger. Weren’t you supposed to be staying out of trouble?”


“There’s nothing wrong with werewolves,” I grumbled, stung by her critical tone.


“Until they lose their tempers.” She shook her head sharply from side to side. “Leave it to you Bella. Anyone else would be better off when the vampires left town. But you have to start hanging out with the first monsters you can find.”

I didn’t want to argue with Alice…but she had it wrong.


“No Alice, the vampires didn’t really leave…not all of them anyway. That’s the whole trouble. If it weren’t for the werewolves, Victoria would have gotten me by now. Well, if it weren’t for Jake and his friends, Laurent would have gotten me before she could, I guess, so…”


“Victoria?” she hissed. “Laurent?”


I nodded, a teensy bit alarmed by the expression in her black eyes. I pointed to my chest. “Danger magnet, remember?”


She shook her head again. “Tell me everything…start at the beginning.”

So I told her the whole story, omitting certain parts like motorcycles, hearing voices and what I still didn’t want to acknowledge as the beginning of my internal transformation. When I was done she realized that her impulsive return may not have been a good idea and started to apologize to me before trying to take her leave.

I however, insisted that she stay anyway. I begged and pleaded, telling her that I missed her and the rest of the Cullen family that I had once decided to become a part of. Eventually she relaxed back into the couch, I’m sure she’d noticed I became calmer when she sat back down again.

We sat and talked about nothing in particular for a while longer until Jacob called to find out if I was still alive. When the phone rang, I had grabbed Alice’s hand and dragged her into the kitchen with me. Upon hearing Jacob’s voice when I answered it, I exclaimed his name in relief.

“Jake!”

Alice looked at me funny, but said nothing.

“I was just calling to make sure you were still alive,” came his cold, sharp voice.

“I’m fine, Jake. I told you…”

“Yeah, fine. See ya.”

I frowned at the phone. Jacob had hung up on me. His voice had been short and cold, then he’d hung up…just like that. Like all he was doing was reporting for duty. Like I was nothing but a business client he didn’t really want to deal with.

I hung the phone up and closed my eyes, sighing in frustration.

I knew that the only way to talk to Jacob was after Alice left, but that wasn’t something I was looking forward to. For one thing, that meant I would have to say goodbye to Alice and I wasn’t ready to let her go again. The other thing was that I knew something was changing between Jacob and I, but I still wasn’t sure if I was ready for that.

Alice interrupted my musings. “You know Bella, maybe it’s better for me to leave. My being here is only going to cause problems. The werewolves are probably already getting agitated with my presence and I’m sure Charlie will be suspicious about my sudden appearance.”

I started to panic, torn between wanting to keep her here and wanting to find out if Jacob really was lost to me. I tried to just focus on the problem at hand.

“No, Alice! I know Charlie will be glad to see you just as much as I am. Please? Just stay for a little while. At least overnight. I know Charlie won’t mind at all!”

Alice seemed to be thinking it over as she stared unblinkingly at me for a few moments. I put on the best pouty face I could, hoping it would win her over.

“Alright,” she finally said. “I’ll stay over for tonight at least. I just have to go hunt and then pack a suitcase of clothes.”

I grinned. “Great! Thanks Alice!”

She nodded and then she was gone. Just like that.

While she was gone, I showered the scent of the ocean and hopefully whatever it was that Alice seemed to smell on me away before making dinner for myself and Charlie. All the while, I tried to ignore the worry that still floated at the back of my mind. I knew that I had to face the truth eventually, but right now I was trying to find a way to keep Alice in my life somehow.

I ate my dinner quickly and drank almost a gallon of water to replenish my dehydrated body. I hadn’t noticed just how dehydrated I was until I had sat down to dinner and took a sip from my glass.

Next thing I knew, I was refilling my glass over and over again until my thirst seemed sated and my throat didn’t feel so scratchy anymore.

By the time I went back to the living room with sheets and a pillow for Alice, she was already waiting for me there. I grinned at the way she simply sat like a porcelain doll in the middle of the couch, with hands folded in her lap and amber eyes wide with welcome.

I set the linens down on the coffee table before sitting next to Alice. As soon as we were comfortable, I asked how the others were doing.

She was quick with a response. “Everyone is in Denali right now. Well, all except one. We’re staying with Tanya and her family for a while.”

I knew who she was talking about, but left the subject alone.

Alice cocked her head to the side like she was listening to something. “Are you sure Charlie won’t mind if I stay over?”

I tsked. “Of course he won’t mind! You know he loves you!”

“Hm, well I guess we’ll find out as soon as he walks through that door.” She motioned to the front door just as I heard the sound of his cruiser pull up and the headlights flashed through the windows.

I chuckled at her announcement before jumping up to go meet Charlie at the door. Inwardly I hoped Charlie really wouldn’t mind Alice being here, but she had a point, her visit was unannounced and it was a last minute decision. I could only hope Charlie still felt the same way about Alice as he had before she had left.

Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and stepped out to meet Charlie with a smile I hoped would win him over.