Chapter 1:19 Epiphany

Author's Note: The bold text in this chapter are taken directly from Meyer's books so I don't own that. Everything else is my attempt to right the wrongs, so I'm hoping it's all mine.


I remembered the first time I realized that my views were changing. They had been changing before that moment, but up until then I hadn’t acknowledged it. Looking back now, I remembered that day so clearly.

It had been the day Jacob had promised to take me cliff diving, but Victoria’s reappearance had prevented him from doing so. Instead of waiting patiently for him, I had taken it upon myself to jump without him. I had convinced myself that I was doing it to hear the voice of my angel, the voice of my heart. Edward.

I had remained in denial even after I had jumped and after the currents had begun tossing my body around like a rag doll. At one point I thought I had even begun to see my angel, floating there in the water with me. And I had convinced myself that that was the perfect way to die. At least that way I would have been happy because my angel was with me.

And then the current shook me again and I lost the vision of him as he seemed to blur into nothingness. Just when I thought he was gone, and with him my happiness, I noticed that the vision began to coalesce again. However, it wasn’t my angel that I saw this time. Instead, for a brief moment, it was the image of my best friend. Suddenly, it was like a spark had been lit inside of me.

I had been content to die happily watching the angel, but with the new vision I realized how absurd it sounded. Deep down inside I knew I wasn’t ready to die, I wasn’t ready to let the angel take me to a final resting place. So a new image had appeared, replacing my happiness of death with the will to live.

All of that had occurred within seconds, like the time it would have taken for my life to flash before my eyes. And just when I had found it, a reason to live, Edward reappeared. In the next instant I had been shoved against something hard, like an iron bar across my chest.

As water began to rush into my throat, I knew I had waited too long. Despite my will to live, I was being dragged down to the ocean floor. The last words I thought of were of a farewell, but at that point I couldn’t have told you exactly who I was saying goodbye to.

That had been the first time I had started to transform, at least in a way that had made me notice. After that, I had regained consciousness on the beach with Jacob leaning over me and I knew he had saved me. Somehow he had saved me again.

The moments had just kept on building up after that, from the stop at Jacob’s house to the long drive back to my house. Jacob had volunteered to drive me home in my own truck once Sam had arrived at his house with Billy in tow and the news about Harry Clearwater. All sorts of thoughts had flown through my head during the quiet ride home. I had even realized that I didn’t want to think of Jacob as if he were my brother. I was beginning to realize that he was so much more to me and I wanted to be more to him.

Then when he’d wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close, apologizing for the way he felt about me, it had only seemed to help my transformation. As I sat there debating on if I should follow my instincts, I heard the angel’s voice one last time.

“Be happy,” he told me.


I froze.


Jacob felt me stiffen and released me automatically, reaching for the door.

Wait, I wanted to say. Just a minute. 


But for some reason I was frozen to the spot.

Jacob opened the door and I could feel the cool, wet air of the approaching storm blowing through the small space of my truck. He sucked in a breath and let it out with a huff before scrambling back into the truck with teeth clenched.

“Crap!” He muttered as he slammed the door closed with one hand while turning the truck back on with the other.

It took a moment for me to notice that his hands were shaking. “What is it?” I asked, now a little worried for him.

“There’s a vampire out there,” he spat out between clenched teeth.

I began looking around as I asked, “How do you know?”

“Because I can smell it,” he growled. I watched in bewilderment as he scanned the dark street with narrowed eyes that held a lot of menace in them. The shaking of his body had only increased, to a point where I could feel the truck was trembling along with him.

Again, I could feel my worry for him rising until I was becoming alarmed. I knew what that shaking meant.

Jacob was mumbling to himself. “Come on Jacob think! Phase or get Bella to safety?”

He turned to look at me for a second and took in my wide eyes and trembling lips. Unfortunately, I think he misunderstood why I looked that way.

“Yeah, getting you out of here sounds good.”

Before I knew it, he had stepped on the gas, making the tires squeal in protest as he spun the truck in the direction of freedom. I could only watch as the headlights lit the area in front of us. It moved over the sidewalk, the street, the forest beyond the houses and finally highlighted the one thing I never thought I’d see again.

A black car. A very familiar black car.

Carlisle!

“Stop!” I cried as I shoved against his hard shoulder to get his attention before turning towards my door to open it.

“What?”


“It’s not Victoria. Stop, stop! I want to go back!”


He stomped on the brake so hard I had to catch myself against the dashboard.


“What?” he asked again, aghast. He stared at me with horror in his eyes.


“It’s Carlisle’s car! It’s the Cullens. I know it.”

The horror on his face turned to anger in an instant. The shaking returned, only more violent this time. I gripped the seat around me as the truck lurched uncontrollably. It took me a few seconds to be able to reach out and place a calming hand on Jacob’s tense arm.

“Jake? It’s okay. You need to calm down. Come on, it’s okay.” I could only hope my voice sounded reassuring within the trembling cab.

“Calm…okay,” he panted as he lowered his head and closed his eyes, trying to find that calm somewhere inside of him.

While he worked on slowing his breathing down, I looked out the back window at the car again. Carlisle. It was just Carlisle, no one else could possibly have come in that car. But why was Carlisle even here in the first place? I never thought any of them would ever return to Forks.

Jacob’s growling voice interrupted my musings. “There’s a potential vampire in your house and you want to go back!”

I looked at him in surprise. “Yes, it’s not just any old vampire Jacob!”

Jacob’s face hardened while I stared at him, congealing into the bitter mask that I’d thought was gone for good. Just before he had the mask in place, I caught the spasm of betrayal that flashed in his eyes. His hands were still shaking. He looked ten years older than me.


He took a deep breath. “You’re sure it’s not a trick?” He asked in a slow, heavy voice.


“It’s not a trick. It’s Carlisle. Take me back!”


A shudder rippled through his wide shoulders, but his eyes were flat and emotionless. “No.”


“Jake, it’s okay…”


“No. Take yourself back, Bella.” His voice was a slap. I flinched as the sound of it struck me. His jaw clenched and unclenched.


“Look, Bella,” he said in the same hard voice. “I can’t go back. Treaty or no treaty, that’s my enemy in there.”

“It’s not like that…”


“I have to tell Sam right away. This changes things. We can’t be caught in their territory.”


“Jake, it’s not a war!”


He didn’t listen. He put the truck in neutral and jumped out the door, leaving it running.


“Bye Bella,” he called back over his shoulder. “I really hope you don’t die.”


He sprinted into the darkness, shaking so hard that his shape seemed blurred. He disappeared before I could open my mouth to call him back.

Remorse pinned me against the seat for one long second. What had I just done to Jacob?

I sat there at a loss of what to do next until the coldness seeped in without Jacob’s natural heat to keep the cab warm. The slight chill snapped me out of it, making me scramble across the seat to shut the door before carefully turning the truck around back towards my house. Even so, it was difficult to do so with my hands now trembling just as much as Jacob’s had been but for an entirely different reason.

My teeth began chattering to match the rhythm of my hands as I finally parked the truck in the driveway and turned it off. I sat there in the dark, not even the porch light was on, and wondered if what I was doing was really okay.

What if Jacob was right to be worried?

I looked back in the direction of the black car, barely visible in the darkness and made my decision. It was Carlisle, there was nothing to be afraid of. Nothing at all.

I was still trembling, maybe even more so, as I retrieved the key from its hiding place above the door. When I went to open the door, I realized it was already unlocked. Swallowing, I pushed open the door and stood there staring into the blacked hallway.

Something told me not to call out the greeting that was lodged in my throat. Maybe it was the fact that my teeth were still chattering or that my throat felt too dry from the seawater.

Trying to catch my breath and calm my racing heart, I took a step inside and reached for the light switch. The pitch black of the hallway made it difficult to find the switch and I began brushing my hand over the wall frantically trying to find the elusive thing.

Just when my panic began to return, the light flicked on, making me blink in disbelief at my hand which rested right next to the switch. I had never even touched it.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone was there with me. Someone who had possibly been waiting for me.

Slowly, I turned my head to look at the visitor.