Chapter 3:21 - Information

I watched as Charlie slowly made his way up the walk, his eyes downcast and shoulders slumped as if he carried the weight of the world on them. He didn’t even notice that I was out there waiting for him. As he came closer, I could see the pinched look on his face and his eyes said he was several miles away…still in La Push.

My heart went out to him in this time of grief. Instinctively, I moved forward to greet him, wrapping my arms around his waist and hugging hard. I was trying to give him all the unspoken comfort and love he would need. Inwardly I smiled when I felt him hug me back as if he was holding on for dear life. I completely understood where he was coming from without either of us having to say a word.

Still, I knew I had to say something. “Dad? I’m really sorry about Harry.”

Charlie let out a soft sigh, as if he were holding back tears and replied in a mumbled voice. “I’m…I’m going to miss him.”

I swallowed, guilt suddenly spiking inside of me. Somehow I felt like it was my fault Harry was gone. As if somehow he’d been a needless casualty in this supernatural crap I was mixed up in.

I pushed past the lump in my throat and tried to keep the conversation going. “How is…how’s Sue doing?”

Charlie shrugged. “I don’t think she’s grasped that he’s gone yet. She’s a little out of it. Sam’s staying with her for the moment…”

There was a pause and I knew he was trying to clear his throat to be able to keep talking. He was fighting his grief something fierce.

“Those poor kids,” he finally added. “Harry not only left Sue, but also Leah and Seth. Leah’s about a year older than you…and I think…I think she was all set to go to college…but…”

He stopped when his voice cracked. “Gosh Bell, Seth is only fourteen! He still needs a father figure in his life, you know?”

He shook his head in sorrow, but moved to my side and kept an arm around my shoulder as he began to lead me back to the house. I knew I had to prepare him for our visitor.

“Um, dad? You’ll…never guess who came to visit us!” I said, trying to sound a little cheerful, and not nervous.

Charlie looked at me curiously, then turned his head to look around the area. He immediately noticed the black car parked across the street, but before he could react to it, Alice was standing in the doorway.

“Hi Charlie.” She greeted him, lowering her voice from its usual high, bell-like cheerfulness. “I’m sorry if I came at a bad time.”

He looked at her small figure as if he couldn’t believe what his eyes were telling him. “Alice Cullen? Is that really you?” came his disbelieving voice.

“It’s me,” she replied softly. “I, um, I was in the neighborhood.”

Charlie didn’t miss her slight hesitation and it only prompted him to tighten his grip on my shoulder.

“Is Carlisle…?”

“No, I’m alone,” came Alice’s quick reply. She knew as well as I did that he wasn’t really asking about Carlisle.

I tried to diffuse the situation by pleading with him as any teenage daughter wanting her way would do. “Can she stay here with us? I already asked her to!”

“Of course,” came Charlie’s bland reply. Apparently my fake cheerfulness wasn’t rubbing off. “We’d love to have you stay here, Alice.”

Alice gave him a sympathetic look. “Thank you, Charlie. I know it’s really bad timing.”

Charlie shook his head and waved his hand in dismissal as if trying to dispel the somber mood. “No really, it’s fine. I’m going to be really busy helping out Harry’s family so it’ll be nice for Bella to have some company while I’m gone.”

He turned to give me a smile, which looked so sad because of his eyes, but I knew he was trying to be hospitable for my sake. It made me hug him again as I let him know what I’d done for him.

“I made dinner. It’s on the table for you.”

He gave me another squeeze and mumbled, “Thanks, Bell.”

Alice and I waited until Charlie had made his way into the kitchen before we went back to the couch were we remained talking until I fell asleep against her shoulder. Apparently my near drowning experience and the other events of the day had really exhausted me.

I woke up from a rare dreamless sleep only to find that it was now morning and I was alone on the couch. I could hear Alice and Charlie talking in the kitchen.

“Was she really bad off, Charlie?” asked Alice in a soft voice. I could only assume that they were talking about Sue Clearwater as Charlie answered her with a heavy sigh.

“Real bad.”

“Can you…tell me about it? I’d like to know what really happened after my family and I left.”

I couldn’t help but cringe when I realized that they were talking about me. Not Sue…me.

I waited with baited breath while I heard a cupboard door close and a dial on the stove clicked. It made me wonder what Charlie was doing in the kitchen, but my musing stopped the moment I heard his voice answer Alice.

“She…she made me feel so helpless. I had no idea what I had to do for her. I thought…the first week I thought for sure I would have to hospitalize her because she wouldn’t do anything. She wouldn’t move, or eat, or drink…nothing. When we first found her in the woods, there was a doctor with us and he wanted to see her again, but I wouldn’t let him come see her. I was so afraid…she’d get scared. I know she doesn’t like doctors.”

There was another silence before Alice asked, “But she made it though that right? She snapped out of it?”

Charlie sighed. “I asked her mother, Renee, to come and get her. I just couldn’t…I couldn’t be the one… if she had to go to the hospital…”

Again there was a pause as Charlie cleared his throat. “Anyway, I hoped being with her mother would help her better than I ever could, but when we started packing her stuff, it’s like that triggered a response in her. Suddenly she was screaming and throwing her clothes everywhere! Bella’s never been one to be so dramatic but boy did she throw a tantrum that day! She screamed at us both, saying we couldn’t make her leave and then the next moment she was curled in a ball and crying…”

I could hear the catch in Charlie’s voice before he cleared it once more and continued. “We all had hoped that would be the turning point for her, you know. So I didn’t argue when she kept insisting on staying here…I thought…”

He trailed off again as I felt my chest constrict in sympathy. I had no idea I’d caused so much pain for my father.

“You thought…?” came Alice’s prompt. Clearly she wanted to hear the rest of this more than I did.

“I thought it would be over…but…she went back to school and work, she ate, she slept, she did her homework. She answered when spoken to. But it was all as if she were a robot. It was all mechanical. Like she was nothing but a shell. I couldn’t even see any life in her eyes. She looked so…empty.

And there were…other things…she didn’t like listening to music, she didn’t like to read and she didn’t like being in the room when the TV was on. I didn’t get it at first, but then I realized what she was doing. It was when I found CDs and pictures and other things in the trash one day…she was trying to avoid anything that reminded her of…”

He paused again and I felt a slight pulse from the hole inside of me, but before I could wonder why the pain seemed so faint, Charlie’s voice reached me again.

“I hardly talked to her because I was so worried that I’d say something that would upset her and send her back into that comatose state again. I mean, she would flinch over the slightest things…and she was…she was alone all the time. Her friends would call her, but when she never called them back, they…stopped.

She was so quiet all the time…it was like a funeral parlor in here…except at night…I can…I can still hear her screaming in her sleep.”

It wasn’t hard for me to imagine what Charlie looked like while he was telling Alice all of this. I closed my eyes in sympathy for him as I remembered how I had been during that time. Then I sighed in realization. I hadn’t fooled him at all.

All that time, I’d thought I’d put on a good show to keep him from noticing that anything was wrong, but no. I couldn’t fool Chief Swan for one second. It suddenly made me want to curse myself for putting him through all that…and now he had the Clearwaters and Harry’s death to deal with.

Gosh, I was such a fool!

“I’m so sorry, Charlie,” Alice said, voice glum.


“It’s not your fault.” The way he said it made it perfectly clear that he was holding someone responsible. “You were always a good friend to her.”


“She seems better now, though.”


“Yeah. Ever since she started hanging out with Jacob Black, I’ve noticed a real improvement. She has some color in her cheeks when she comes home, some light in her eyes. She’s happier.” 


He paused, and his voice was different when he spoke again. “He’s a year or so younger than her, and I know she used to think of him as a friend, but I think maybe it’s something more now, or headed in that direction, anyway.” Charlie said this in a tone that was almost belligerent. It was a warning, not for Alice, but for her to pass along. 

“Jake’s old for his years,” he continued, still sounding defensive. “He’s taken care of his father physically the way Bella took care of her mother emotionally. It matured him. He’s a good-looking kid, too-takes after his mom’s side. He’s good for Bella, you know,” Charlie insisted.


“Then it’s good she has him,” Alice agreed.

I smiled at her admission, hoping that she really meant it. Maybe there was hope for things after all. I was glad that Charlie could see the good in Jacob the way I was beginning to, but what shocked me the most was that he could see what I couldn’t. At least I hadn’t until he mentioned it. Something more…what Jacob and I had was maybe something more.

I silently prayed that what he said would come true. Please…let Jacob talk to me again. I want us to be something more…I think.

Charlie sighed, breaking me out of my musings of a future with Jacob.

“Well, I just hope I’m not jumping to conclusions. I don’t know…I still see something in her eyes even now….sometimes…it’s just…it’s not normal Alice. Sometimes she looks as if someone died. Not left, but died.”

I nearly jumped off of the couch at his admission. It was like a slap in the face. A slap of reality, for me to snap out of it. I realized Charlie was right. I had been walking around acting as if someone had died. And in a sense, someone had. Or rather something. My past…it was gone. The family I’d wanted to be a part of…the love I’d thought I’d shared with Edward…it was gone. All of it.

Yet, lying there, staring at the ceiling, I realized I no longer mourned that passing. It was gone, but I was still there. Why should I stop living just because that part of my life had moved on? There were so many more things for me to live for now. So many things that I should be grateful for.

Charlie…Renee…Alice…

Jacob.

A smile began to spread over my face as I thought of him, until Charlie’s voice interrupted again.

“I don’t know if she’s ever going to get over it Alice. I don’t know if anything will ever help her get past it…and Alice…now you know I’m fond of you…and I know she’s happy to see you…but I’m worried what your visit is going to…”

“I’m worried too Charlie,” came Alice’s voice. And I was amazed that I could even hear the worry in her voice which told me she really was worried and not acting it for Charlie’s sake. “If I’d known about any of this, I would never have come back. I’m so sorry Charlie.”

“No, don’t apologize. It’s alright. Maybe…maybe it’ll be good for her after all.”

Alice sighed. “I hope you’re right.”

There was a long break while I heard forks scraping plates and it made me wonder how Alice was convincing Charlie that she was really eating. I was certain that the food on her plate was somehow disappearing, but just where was it disappearing to?

After a few moments, I heard Charlie’s awkward voice again. “Alice? There’s something I have to ask you.”

Alice’s voice sounded much calmer than his did. “Sure, what is it?”

There was a slight pause and then, “He’s not coming back too is he?”

Charlie’s voice not only came out in a rush, but even I could hear the underlying anger in it. I knew no one in this house would miss the unspoken meaning. Edward would never be welcomed here. Ever.

I held my breath, waiting.

She answered in a soft, reassuring tone. “He doesn’t know I’m even here, Charlie. The last time my family and I spoke to him, he was visiting friends in South America.”

As Alice revealed this new information, I lay there waiting for the pain to come and it didn’t disappoint. Still, even I noticed how it didn’t overpower me like it once had. With each moment, it was becoming even more bearable than the last moment.

It was as if with each passing moment, with each step of my transformation, the pain of that ragged hole in my chest was getting duller. Like the hole itself was trying to close for once and for all. This time it was bearable enough that it only took a couple of breaths before I could move, alerting Charlie and Alice to the fact that I was awake.

Charlie left soon after that to help Sue Clearwater with the funeral arrangements, so Alice and I sat back down on the couch and resumed talking about her family in Denali and the fact that she had finally begun to learn about her past, the past James had begun to reveal to me last spring.

“My name was Mary Alice Brandon,” she told me quietly. “I had a little sister named Cynthia. Her daughter-my niece-is still alive in Biloxi.”


“Did you find out why they put you in…that place?” What would drive parents to that extreme? Even if their daughter saw visions of the future…


She just shook her head, her topaz eyes thoughtful. “I couldn’t find much about them. I went through all the old newspapers on microfiche. My family wasn’t mentioned often; they weren’t part of the social circle that made the papers. My parents’ engagement was there, and Cynthia’s.” 


The name fell uncertainly from her tongue. “My birth was announced…and my death. I found my grave. I also filched my admissions sheet from the old asylum archives. The date on the admission and the date on my tombstone are the same.”

I remained silent, not knowing what to say to that, so we eventually moved on to lighter topics until Charlie returned home late that night and went straight to bed since he wanted to be there first thing in the morning for the Clearwaters long before Harry’s funeral would take place.